he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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