Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
