i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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