Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you would pick up someone in the library
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
