my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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