i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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