you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
