im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
