I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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