I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
