this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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