Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
