How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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