another moral hangover. fuck.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
