I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
