i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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