I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
