Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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