i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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