Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
