Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
