Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
