"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize