Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
