this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
