you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
