i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
