3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
