May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
