Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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