my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
