I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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