Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
