there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
