y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
