I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
