I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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