when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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