Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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