Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
