apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
