I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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