Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
