oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
