Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
