i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
