Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
