I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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