Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
