just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
