i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
