Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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