do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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