Have you finally orgasmed yet?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
