Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
