I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
